Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
