Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
