If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
