Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
