i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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