She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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