I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You pole danced in your parka.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
