My cat gives me a boner
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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