just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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