I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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