so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
