come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
