just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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