She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
