We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
