Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
