I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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