i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
