The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
