Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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