I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
try to milk me bitch
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize