No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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