Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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