Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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