it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
