You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
