True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
