If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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