When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
