She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
