$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
