I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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