hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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