i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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