Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
