im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
