The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
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it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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