It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
