Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
