before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
