I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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