I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He shit in the fireplace
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
