It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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