U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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