Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
