Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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