They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
