Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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