Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Randomize
