the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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