Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
