He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
