literally had 100 drinks last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
