Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
