actually, I'm a sock model
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
