People in love make me want to vomit
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
