At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
