I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
