yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
