Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
