My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
