i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
