im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
