Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
