This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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