My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
dude. I can hear the air.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
