bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize