Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
