Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
