Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
