apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
