i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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