did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
