I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
