He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
As shirtless as possible
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
